Music of the Soul
by oreny19
Summary: The knights, Arthur, and Merlin are told that in order for them to fulfill their destinies, they must truly understand and trust each other. A sorceress makes it so they all have a chance to listen to a song that describes each of them and their pasts and struggles. Set after season 4, reveal fic. Knights/Arthur/Merlin brotherly bonding. No slash.
1. Prologue

**AN: This is the first story I've written in over a year now, not because I didn't have any inspiration, (there was plenty) but because I've just been too lazy to drag my butt over to the computer and write down my ideas. I'm really sorry to those of you who have author favorited or alerted me! Truth be told, I enjoy reading stories way more than writing them, but this idea stuck me a few days ago and I just can't get rid of it. This is my first Merlin fanfiction, it's set about a year after the season 4 finale. Merry Christmas to all my readers! I hope you enjoy it! **

**Disclaimer: I in no way own Merlin, and am receiving no profit from my writing.**

"**Music of the Soul"**

**Prologue**

Merlin huffed as he lifted up the saddle and placed it on his horse's back, already having readied Arthur's steed for the hunt they were meant to have left for half an hour ago.

"Come on _Mer_lin, we don't have all day!" shouted an annoyingly familiar voice from behind, followed by the clatter of hoofs as Arthur came up next him. Leon, Gwaine, Percival, and Elyan sat on their own horses a few meters away, watching in exasperated amusement at the fake annoyance in Arthur's voice, and the impending argument they all knew was about to happen.

"Well maybe if you hadn't attempted to throw a goblet and a few pillows at my head this morning, you would have been awake sooner and we would be on our way by now," responded Merlin with a slight role of his eyes at the King's reluctance to get out of bed.

"Well, Merlin, _maybe_ if you had not been late and woken me up when I asked you to, I would not have overslept and been so reluctant to get up in the first place." Arthur argued back.

Merlin smirked "I know it has been getting rather more difficult for you to get out of bed what with the weight you've put on, Sire, but there's really no need to blame it on me. I'm only trying to keep you fit remember?" His eyes shone as he "whispered" the words.

The knights all guffawed as Arthur's eyes narrowed. Not bothering with a clever retort, Arthur said, "Shut up, _Mer_lin. Just hurry up and let's head out."

Finishing with the last of the buckles, Merlin climbed onto his horse and the six men rode out of the courtyard, Arthur and Merlin in the lead, a small cloud of dust being kicked up in their wake.

Camelot had been relatively free from attacks or any other forms of danger since Morgana's last overthrow, and subsequent defeat. Vengeful sorcerers everywhere had heard of her immense power and believed that they stood little chance against Camelot if even Morgana Pendragon had been defeated by King Arthur and his army. Nobody questioned _how_ it was possible for an army of sorcerers to be defeated by a band of non-magical mortal men, simply believing that King Arthur was extremely skilled in war, and was clearly not a man to be crossed.

Merlin had rolled his eyes when he heard the rumors and warnings being spread about Arthur's skill and determination. _His ego will bloat to the size of the castle if he hears the stories people are telling_, Merlin thought. However, he couldn't help but agree. Although he argued with the man all the time, it was almost always done in a joking manner. Arthur was truly a man that it was best not to cross. He was becoming a powerful, yet just king. _He's becoming the king he has always been destined to be_, Merlin thought with a proud smile on his face.

_But he still doesn't know_, Merlin's smile slowly slid off his face as he turned to darker thoughts. Even though Arthur was becoming a great king, magic was still outlawed, and Merlin was becoming restless. He hated lying to Arthur, but was terrified of what would happen if he found out about Merlin's magic. Merlin wasn't so scared of execution anymore, Arthur wouldn't kill him. But he was absolutely terrified of Arthur's reaction. He had lied to Arthur since the moment they met. Would Arthur be angry? Would he even care that Merlin had only ever tried to protect him and Camelot? No, Merlin couldn't tell Arthur. He would only see a lying sorcerer where before stood his friend. And it was because of that friendship that his reaction would be so much worse. _Betrayal_. Merlin thought, _He'll think that I'm just like Morgana, corrupted by magic. He'll think that it was all a lie, all the time we've spent together, the bond we've built. All the trust between us will be broken. He'll banish me, won't ever want to see me again. _No, Merlin could _definitely_ not tell Arthur. His heart ached at thought of Arthur's hate filled face looking at him, anger and betrayal emanating from his very soul. He shuddered.

Merlin had always hoped that one day Arthur would know about his magic, that he would understand that magic isn't always evil, that everyone would welcome its return and recognize his accomplishments and loyalty. He hoped that Arthur would see him as more than just the idiotic manservant who continually stuck his nose where it didn't belong. By now, Merlin had all but given up on these hopes. Even if magic was returned to Camelot, he doubted that Arthur would be too thrilled to learn about all the secrets and lies that Merlin had told him over the years. Merlin was Arthur's most trusted friend, he couldn't bear to prove that trust wrong.

They had been riding for a few hours, joking and chatting like they normally did, when Merlin noticed a small wisp of gold and the sound of rustling on the path ahead of them.

"Did you see that?" Merlin whispered, slowing his horse to a stop and squinting ahead of them.

After searching warily for a few seconds, Arthur turned to Merlin, "Stop being such a girl Merlin. I'm sure it was just a small animal, let's keep moving" He rolled his eyes at his friend.

Merlin looked unsure, but conceded to continue their journey, staying alert as the rest of the men fell back into easy conversation.

"There it is again!" Merlin shouted, pointing at the empty air in front of them, where there had previously been another wisp of gold.

Sighing in annoyance, Arthur said, "_Mer_lin! There's nothing there! It's just your imagination! Now come on, we st-" This time everyone saw the wisp of shimmering gold in the air for a few seconds before it disappeared again. "What the hell was that?" Arthur asked confusedly, refusing to acknowledge that Merlin was right.

They saw the golden light again, coming closer to them as they all backed their horses a pace. The light made its way around them before stopping in front of Arthur for a second, then continuing forward down the path.

"I think it wants us to follow it." Merlin stated softly, moving his horse forward. Arthur seemed hesitant for a moment before thinking of the last time he followed a magical looking light. That one had been a glowing blue sphere, but it had led him to safety when he had no hope of escaping from the cave. It was one of the few times he had seen magic being used for good and had always wondered who had sent the light.

"Alright," Arthur said, "Let's go," and began to cautiously follow the light, keeping his eyes open for any danger, with Merlin at his side. The knights gave each other an uneasy glance before hurrying their horses to catch up to the pair.

They rode vigilantly for the rest of the day, mostly in silence. It was almost completely dark by the time the small party came out of the woods and caught sight of the silhouette of a large castle about a half an hours ride away.

The golden wisps continued to lead them forward, the castle clearly being its destination. It did not seem to notice that the group of men had paused in their journey. Arthur squinted at the castle before gasping slightly, his eyes widening.

"It's the Castle of the Ancient Kings." He half whispered, not wanting to break the eerie silence that had replaced the previously comfortable one surrounding them.

The knights and Merlin all nodded, remembering the time they had sought refuge inside the castle when Morgana had first taken over Camelot.

"What if it's a trap?" Leon asked, looking uncertainly toward Arthur and voicing the thought that was on all their minds.

After a moment of hesitation, Arthur said, "If it is, then I have the best knights in the realm with me. We keep moving." He was unsure as to why he had such a strong urge to follow the small golden light. It felt safe, but even if it was a trap, they had faced worse before and always survived. What could go wrong?

Entering the castle, it looked exactly as it had been left. They lit two torches and continued on their way through the familiar halls. Finally, they came upon the room in which they spent most of their time while planning their attack on Morgana. The round table stood in the center of the dusty room, an aged white cloth covering it once more. The golden light hovered over the table for a few seconds before disappearing suddenly, taking the light of the torches with it and leaving them in complete darkness.

Arthur and the knight immediately unsheathed their swords, the zing of metal scraping against metal echoed in the silence of the room. They stood facing away from each other, frantically searching the darkness. Merlin stood as still as possible, listening for any threats.

"You don't have to be afraid." Said a quiet voice from Merlin's left. It sounded piercingly loud in the previously deafening silence. All the men turned in the direction of the voice, swords raised in defense.

"Who's there? Why have you brought us here?" Arthur asked in an authoritative voice, "Show yourself," he commanded.

Suddenly the golden light reappeared in front of a woman who seemed to be about their age. She lifted her hand and waved it toward the torches hanging on the walls. They all lit at her command, completely washing away the darkness. The knights all tensed at her careless display of magic. Merlin looked on wearily.

"My name is Aniya, I am not going to hurt you," she reassured in a calm, sympathetic voice raising her hands. Arthur and the knights lowered their swords slightly at the sign of peace, but did not put them away, still looking suspiciously at the young woman.

"Why have you led us here?" Arthur asked once more in a cautious tone.

Aniya turned to Arthur and smiled slightly, bowing. "King Arthur," she began, "it is an honor to meet you. A great destiny awaits, but it can not come to pass until you truly understand those who are closest to you." She indicated the knights, who stood around Arthur, unsure if the woman was a threat, and Merlin, who seemed to be a bit nervous at the mention of Arthur's destiny. "You all play a significant role in the future of Camelot," she spoke to all of them this time, "but for this future to come about, you must trust each other completely. This level of trust can only be achieved through understanding. She glanced at Merlin at these words, his eyes having widened almost imperceptibly, panic entering their depths. "I will not reveal any of your secrets, it is not my place, but hopefully you will have the courage to reveal them yourselves after I have done my part." She paused here, letting her words sink in. Merlin's hands began to tremble slightly until he clamped them together. "One of the best ways to gain understanding is through music. This golden light here," she indicated the wisps of gold still swirling near her, "it can search a soul and choose the song which is most relevant to the understanding of that soul." The light began to grow before twisting into six separate lights, one for each of them. A light began to shimmer toward each man. "I promise, no harm will come to any of you while you are in this castle. The light can not hurt you." Aniya continued, seeing the looks of apprehension on the men's faces.

Arthur looked deep into her face, searching for something before nodding and letting the light enter his chest, in the area just above his heart. It glowed softly before disappearing, leaving Arthur looking exactly as he did before the light entered. The other men all looked at him with worry before Arthur said, "It feels safe." He nodded toward the knights. Merlin had already let the light into his heart. It entered each of them, beginning its search for the music of their souls.

Aniya smiled kindly, "Some of the things you will discover about each other will be shocking." She glanced at Merlin once more. "Remember, you all need each other, now more than ever before." The men all looked up at this ominous statement. Ignoring the looks, Aniya continued, "The light will need a few hours to decide upon which song is best to represent each person. You all should rest, tomorrow will be a long day. When you are ready, the light will leave you and the songs of your souls shall be heard. I know it may seem daunting," she said sympathetically, "but I assure you, this is very necessary. I wish you all luck; this is goodbye." Aniya bowed once more to Arthur before turning to Merlin and bowing as well, much to the confusion of all the men. She nodded to all of them and disappeared with a burst of wind, but not before saying, "Never doubt that you all are destined for greatness," a small smile lingering on her face.

**AN: So what do you think? Be honest, I appreciate constructive criticism:) So I'm pretty sure I know what songs I'm going to use for Arthur, Gwaine, Elyan, and Merlin, but any song suggestions you guys might have for any of the characters are welcome. Who knows, you might change my mind on which songs to use, or you might even guess the songs I'm thinking of. I especially need suggestions for Leon and Percival, but Leon's my main concern. Thanks for reading, and please review to tell me if you like it or not. Next chapter should be up in a few days. ~Oreny19**


	2. Gwaine

**AN: Thank you so much to all my readers who left such kind reviews, and thanks for the suggestions! Just a warning, most of these songs are going to be kind of depressing and/or angsty. It'll be a song per chapter, with Merlin obviously being last (sorry! I know you guys are probably looking forward to his the most). But for the first chapter, I give you Gwaine's song, We Don't Eat by James Vincent McMorrow. Hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I in no way own Merlin or the song We Don't Eat and am making no profit from my writing.**

**"Music of the Soul"**

**Gwaine**

Merlin looked over at Elyan as he slowly sat up, rousing the rest of their group quietly, nervous anticipation clearly written on all their faces as they remembered the events of the previous night. Getting to his feet, Merlin rolled up his bedding and placed it in a pile along with the others. He hadn't gotten much sleep last night, instead thinking over Aniya's words,_ I will not reveal any of your secrets, hopefully you will have the courage to reveal them yourselves after I have done my part._ How the hell could he tell Arthur his deepest secrets when just the day before, he had been thinking of all the horrible outcomes of such a revelation. He shuddered at the thought of them again.

Arthur ordered Percival, Gwaine and Leon to go out hunting for their breakfast while a fire was made on the stone floor, and Merlin went to go feed the horses. They soon returned with two rabbits and a small deer, held proudly. It was a good haul for such a quick hunt. After Merlin skinned the animal carcasses and placed the meat over the fire, there was nothing left to do to keep them busy, and an uncomfortable silence descended upon the group.

"So," Gwaine began, "you think these lights are done looking for our _songs_ yet?" He said the words with an edge in his voice, looking slightly panicked at the idea of his past being revealed to all of them.

"Aniya said that the light would reveal our songs when we were ready. Let's just get through breakfast first before all our secrets are spilled." Percival said, trying to lighten the mood, but the others just grimaced at his words.

Merlin took the meat off the flame before extinguishing it and passing the food around for the knights to place on their plates.

Arthur walked over to the covered round table before removing the sheet once more. Everyone in the room looked at it, the table that was so much more than it appeared to be. It stood for equality, and this was the place that many of the men were knighted. They all brought their plates to the table, sitting down in the chairs which they had occupied the last time they were in the castle. A nostalgic mood seemed to settle over the men, and they smiled in remembrance, despite the empty chairs at the table.

"Well," Elyan chuckled, "I'd say we're meeting here under slightly more pleasant circumstances than our last time sitting at this table."

"Slightly, but not by much." Leon toned in, the rest of the table nodding in agreement.

"I don't understand why this is necessary!" Arthur started, having finished his breakfast. "I mean, The more I think about, the more ridiculous this seems! I believe we know each other quite well, and I trust you all with my life!" The others agreed, looking around at their most trusted friends. "There's not much you can tell me about yourselves that will change my opinion of any of you."

"Say that after all the songs are heard and then I'll believe you." Merlin muttered, his face pale, not intending for anyone to hear. However, Leon, who sat to his right looked confusedly at Merlin, he had heard the cynical statement.

Having finished their breakfast, the knights, Arthur, and Merlin placed their plates in a pile away from the table to be washed later and took their seats once more, looking nervously at each other. Suddenly, Gwaine's chest began to glow softly before the golden light, now a swirling blue color exited his heart, making its way to the center of the table.

"Guess I'm first." Gwaine stated apprehensively. Everyone watched the light stop at the center before the sound of steady drums began to pulse through the room, soon joined by a quite piano playing.

_**If this is redemption, why do I bother at all?**_  
_**Nothing to mention, and nothing has changed**_  
_**Still I'd rather be working for something than praying for the rain**_  
_**So I wander on, till someone else is saved**_

Gwaine was instantly taken back to the time when he began his nomadic lifestyle, when he left his widowed mother to pursue a life where nothing was holding him back from all the opportunities that could appear. But where there was no restraints, there was also no home to return to.

_**I moved to the coast, under a mountain**_  
_**Swam in the ocean, slept on my own**_  
_**At dawn I would watch the sun cut ribbons through the bay**_  
_**I'd remember all the things my mother wrote**_

_**That we don't eat until your father's at the table**_

Faded memories of his father coming home every evening and hugging his son, kissing his wife, came back to Gwaine. No matter how late he'd come home, they would always save him dinner and sit at the table together while he ate. Those memories usually reminded him that he was a noble, part of the class which he hated so much.

_**We don't drink until the devil's turned to dust**_  
_**Never once has any man I've met been able to love**_  
_**So if I were you, I'd have a little trust**_

He thought of King Caerleon, who had denied any form of help to him and his mother when Gwaine's father, one of Caerleon's knights had been killed in battle. Gwaine scoffed as he remembered the beginnings of his hatred for nobility.

_**Two thousand years now, I've been in that water**_  
_**Two thousand years, sunk like a stone**_  
_**Desperately reaching for nets**_  
_**That the fishermen have thrown**_  
_**Trying to find, a little bit of hope**_

The rest of the men all looked at Gwaine at these lines, previously having been staring at the light, entranced by its music. This song was clearly about Gwaine's life before becoming a knight, as they had assumed most of the songs would be. However, before he was a knight, they had thought that he had just randomly travelled from town to town, tavern to tavern, causing trouble for the fun of it. It seemed like the most likely explanation with the man's carefree attitude, but they could all clearly see the burden in the knight's eyes now, one that he had kept well hidden. None of them had ever thought that he was at the tavern to drown his sorrows, to forget his past.

_**Me, I was holding all of my secrets soft and hid**_  
_**Pages were folded, then there was nothing at all**_  
_**So if in the future I might need myself a savior**_  
_**I'll remember what was written on that wall**_

_**That we don't eat until your father's at the table**_  
_**We don't drink until the devil's turned to dust**_  
_**Never once has any man I've met been able to love**_  
_**So if I were you, I'd have a little trust**_

Caerleon had left them in poverty. The family of one of his most loyal knights, abandoned by their king without a second thought. Gwaine's expression hardened as he remembered his once beautiful mother forced to sell her fine clothes and family heirlooms just to put bread on the table for her son; work long hours and come home exhausted to earn so little money. _It was better that I left_ Gwaine thought bitterly, _now she doesn't have to support me any longer. She can take care of herself now._

_**Am I an honest man and true?**_  
_**Have I been good to you at all?**_  
_**Oh I'm so tired of playing these games**_  
_**We'd just be running down**_  
_**The same old lines, the same old stories of**_  
_**Breathless trains and, worn down glories**_  
_**Houses burning, worlds that turn on their own**_

Gwaine scoffed. He had been told stories of his father's greatness, his glory. If he was so great, he wouldn't have left his family at the mercy of the world.

But no, Gwaine knew that was wrong. His father must have fought with all his might to get back to his family, but in the end it didn't make a difference. Gwaine just wanted someone to blame, and now that Caerleon was dead, killed by Arthur, he felt that the corrupt king had gotten a part of what he deserved. But that just meant that Gwaine couldn't kill Caerleon himself, and so he blamed his father occasionally, though he never truly believed it was his fault.

_**So we don't eat until your father's at the table**_  
_**We don't drink until the devil's turned to dust**_  
_**Never once has any man I've met been able to love**_  
_**So if I were you my friend, I'd learn to have just a little bit of trust**_

The light played its last notes before slowly fading into the air. Everyone sat silently, not knowing what to say.

"Well, who's next?" Gwaine's asked in a forced nonchalant voice.

"Hold on," Arthur began, "What was that about? We actually have to know what the song is referring to too gain this new understanding we're meant to have about each other." The knights all looked curiously at Gwaine, but also with concern, thinking over the melancholy song they had just heard that was meant to reveal Gwaine's past.

Gwaine sighed, looking past all the men watching him expectantly, obviously going over unpleasant thoughts. "I wasn't born a commoner." He began after a long silence. "My father was a knight for Caerleon, and I, his noble son." Disdain had entered his voice. All the men except for Merlin looked shocked, having believed he was born as a peasant like the majority of the group. How had he come so far from his home, in a different kingdom to arrive in Camelot?

Arthur was confused, "But why would you hide the fact that you're a noble?" He remembered the disgust on Gwaine's face when he realized that Arthur was the prince. "You could have become a knight long before I knighted you!" Arthur exclaimed, completely baffled at the usually cheery man's actions.

Gwaine smiled without humor and barked out a harsh laugh, not meeting any of their eyes. "I would never serve Uther! No offense Arthur." He said as an afterthought, but Arthur wasn't upset. He knew most of them did not like his father. "I've come to believe that you, Arthur, and Leon are the only decent nobles in existence."

"But why do hate nobility?" Percival asked, "Why do you deny your birth status? Life could have been so much easier for you!"

"I don't want it!" Gwaine shouted, the emotions drenched up by the song from the recesses of his mind finally bursting out. "What gives me the right to be treated better than you?" He motioned to Percival, "Or you Elyan? Or you Merlin?" Gwaine huffed a defeated sigh. "Besides, it's not like much would have changed. We were left with no wealth after my father was killed." He was trying hard to conceal the sadness in his voice, but a small part of it could still be heard, and all the others noticed.

All the men's faces looked pained. Elyan got up and placed a hand on Gwaine's shoulder, making him look up. "How did he die?" He asked in a gentle voice.

Gwaine's eyes showed clear grief. He took a deep breath, "He was killed in battle when I was eight." Came his quiet answer, though all the men could hear him. It was completely silent in the room.

"Couldn't the king have helped you?" Arthur asked after about a minute of tense silence.

Gwaine looked up, "My mother and I went to the king, but he just sent us away, not caring that my father was his knight, not caring that he was dead!" Gwaine voice got steadily louder with rage as he continued, a look of pure hatred on his face. "He left us with nothing! His knights, all his people really, were dispensable to him. Just tools to be used and thrown away in order to achieve his ends." He spat the words out in disgust. The knights finally understood why Gwaine pretended to be a peasant. His childhood was destroyed. Nobody would have ever guessed it of the man he was today, always joking, always ready for a good fight. It seemed he had not a care in the world. That was clearly untrue.

Arthur's face had darkened throughout the story. He had always felt guilty for killing Caerleon, who was seemingly an innocent man. Although the guilt was still there, some of it had turned to savage pleasure at the thought that he had killed the man who had hurt Gwaine. Arthur had never paid much attention to Caerleon during his father's rule, but the way he was described by Gwaine, Arthur couldn't help but feel glad that he had rid the world of a tyrant. Arthur adamantly believed that kings were meant to protect their people, defend the ones who could not defend themselves. That was the reason all the power given to them, kings were meant to do what was best for their kingdom, and Caerleon had clearly become corrupted by that power.

"My mother had to work endlessly in order to put food on the table, and the other noble families who we had considered friends turned their backs on us." Gwaine continued. Conviction entered his voice as he said, "I swore to myself that I would never become like them. When I was 17, I gave my mother all the money I could and left the house so I wouldn't burden her anymore. She's doing well now." Gwaine added softly.

Merlin looked at Gwaine in sympathy, having also left his home, partly to keep his mother from harm in case his magic was discovered. He missed her dearly.

"Thank you." Arthur said suddenly, much to the confusion if the others. "Despite your hatred for nobility, you are one of my knights, and, I dare say, one of my better knights. You helped me to regain Camelot when Morgana had almost destroyed it, and for that I am eternally grateful. To all of you." He said the last part while turning to the rest of the group.

"That means a lot to me Arthur," Gwaine said quietly, but with emotion, "as I said before, you and Leon are among the few nobles I trust, and I am honored to serve you." The rest of the men nodded in agreement, even Merlin, despite him not being a knight.

Arthur found it hard to swallow as he looked upon his men. He couldn't believe that they would follow him. It was only a few weeks ago that Arthur had pulled the sword from the stone, but the support of these men sitting around the table was truly what proved to him that he was meant to be king. They believed in him and therefore, he believed in himself. Arthur just nodded his thanks for their loyalty, unable to speak passed the lump in his thoat.

"Thank you for telling us about your father," Leon said, "it could not have been easy."

Gwaine smiled sadly and nodded, "Thank you for listening." It felt good to get it off his chest. Gwaine left lighter, as if some of the weight had been taken off his shoulders by the men around him, his friends.

"So," Athur began, "who's next?"

**AN: I'm so sorry it took me this long to update! I meant to have it up two days ago, but life got in the way. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, tell me what you thought? Happy New Years everyone! ~Oreny19**


	3. Elyan

**AN: Hey guys, I'm back! Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! The suggestions were great and I loved listening to all of the songs you guys thought of. Some of you actually suggested songs that I was thinking of using! Hey, great minds think alike;) This is Elyan's song, Second Chance by Shinedown. Hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin or the song Second Chance.**

"**Music of the Soul"**

**Elyan**

When nothing happened for a few seconds, the men sitting around the table began to look around nervously, as if expecting an attack. Merlin twisted his hands together unconsciously, looking down at the table and waiting for the next song to begin. He hoped to god it wasn't his. He wasn't ready.

A light gradually starting growing in Elyan's chest and all eyes were immediately locked on him. He gave a sigh in resignation, knowing that his turn would have come eventually anyway, whether it be sooner or later. When the light glided out of his chest, it was a red ocher color, resembling the sands of a desert at sunset (1). It smoothly floated to the center of the table just like Gwaine's had, and the sounds of guitar strings filled the air around them.

_**My eyes are open wide**_  
_**By the way I made it through the day**_  
_**I watch the world outside**_  
_**By the way I'm leaving out today**_

Elyan was adrift in his memories, remembering as a child how he believed so strongly that he was destined to be more than just a blacksmith. He wanted more out of life, and as a young man, had set out to get it, leaving behind his father and sister.

_**I just saw Halley's Comet she waved**_  
_**Said "Why you always running in place?"**_  
_**Even the man on the moon disappeared**_  
_**Somewhere in the stratosphere**_

It seemed impossible to escape. His father had expected him to continue the family work, but though he was a talented blacksmith, he did not want it to be his life.

_**Tell my mother, tell my father**_  
_**I've done the best I can**_  
_**To make them realize**_  
_**This is my life**_  
_**I hope they understand**_  
_**I'm not angry, I'm just saying**_  
_**Sometimes goodbye is a second chance**_

Leaving his family was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. But a man needed to create his own life, his own legacy. He so desperately had hoped that Gwen and his father would accept this. He couldn't bear the thought of his only family being unable to forgive him.

_**Please don't cry one tear for me**_  
_**I'm not afraid of what I have to say**_  
_**This is my one and only voice**_  
_**So listen close, it's only for today**_

Elyan always knew he would come back eventually, even if it only was for a visit, or to check up on them. However, that did not make the night he left any easier. Seeing the look of hurt understanding on his father's face and the incredulous betrayal on his sister's was almost enough to make him stay and promise never to leave. But he couldn't stay. He knew that he was meant to go, but to where, he did not know.

_**I just saw Halley's Comet she waved**_  
_**Said "Why you always running in place?"**_  
_**Even the man on the moon disappeared**_  
_**Somewhere in the stratosphere**_

As children, Gwen and Elyan would sometimes sneak out of Camelot while their father was sleeping, and go to watch the stars, away from the city. They sometimes spoke, but most often, they were silent. It was a time of peace. Elyan had liked to imagine that he had a great destiny waiting for him, and even the stars above would remember his name.

_**Tell my mother, tell my father**_  
_**I've done the best I can**_  
_**To make them realize**_  
_**This is my life**_  
_**I hope they understand**_  
_**I'm not angry, I'm just saying**_  
_**Sometimes goodbye is a second chance**_

Their mother had died of an illness when they were young. Although Gwen didn't remember much about her, Elyan, being older, remembered how she would comfort him after waking from a nightmare, how she would sing to him. As Gwen grew into a woman, she began to look more and more like their mother, and it hurt Elyan. He wouldn't have to see his beloved mother's face reflected in his sister's if he were to leave.

_**Here is my chance**_  
_**This is my chance**_

_It was the only way_, Elyan thought._ If I hadn't gone, I would have always wondered what could have happened. I would never have been completely at peace._

_**Tell my mother, tell my father**_  
_**I've done the best I can**_  
_**To make them realize**_  
_**This is my life**_  
_**I hope they understand**_  
_**I'm not angry, I'm just saying**_  
_**Sometimes goodbye is a second chance**_

Elyan had stayed away from Camelot for many years, trying to find a purpose, a purpose that was waiting for him back in the city.

_**Sometimes goodbye**_  
_**Is a second chance**_

The song ended and the room lapsed into a brief silence.

"Care to explain?" Percival asked gently.

Elyan sighed, looking at Arthur and Merlin. "Some of you already know that I felt my father and Gwen in Camelot when I was a young man, travelling for many years." At the pair's nods, he continued, ignoring the slightly shocked looks that Elyan would leave Gwen. The siblings had a strong bond. "I always believed that I was meant to do more with my life than just be a blacksmith. I did not want to be like my father, and so, I left to pursue a different life."

"Your father was an honorable man." Arthur said, not understanding why being like him was so undesirable for Elyan.

"Yes I know. Of course he was, I have no doubt that he was a good man, but..." Elyan struggled to express his unyielding belief that he was meant for greater things. "My father spent his life forging weapons for others to use. For the defence of the men who laid down their lives for the protection of other. I could not do the same. I yearned to be one of those men, to prove to myself and others that I could be great!" Elyan exclaimed, impassioned.

"Elyan," Leon said softly, "you didn't need to prove your greatness to anyone. Your bravery and honor is clear to anyone with eyes!"

Elyan chuckled a little at Leon's wording. "Thank you my friend, but when I was younger, I did not have much opportunity to prove my bravery. I am of peasant birth, not allowed, at the time, to be trained in the art of the sword in Camelot. So I left, taking a sword that I myself had forged, and trained on my own. I worked for a little while, and if I ever came across a swordsman, I would pay to be trained. I learned quickly and gained skill. I knew I was meant to protect, but I had not found my purpose yet. I had not found my destiny.

Everyone seemed to nod in understanding. Elyan wasn't one to sit on the sidelines while others went out to defend Camelot. He wanted to directly protect those he cared about. It was nothing new, all knights felt that way, but Elyan was there, in the city, for all of his childhood and adolescence. He grew up living around knights, seeing how the men would do anything to protect the city they cared about, and the ones they loved who inhabited it. How hard it must have been to know he was unable to join their ranks, unable to protect those he loved.

"I've found my purpose though." Elyan said lowly, grinning slightly with a blazing gleam in his eye. "To serve and protect you Arthur. To defend Camelot. To always be there when any of you are in trouble." Everyone in their little group knew that they had each other's backs, no matter how bad the circumstances. Elyan took much pride in this fact, finally having found people that, though not related by blood, were more like brothers than anything else. "I've found my destiny."

**AN: Okay, so this chapter was very hard to write for me because Elyan is my least favorite of them characters I'm writing about. I do like him, but I **_**love**_** the others:). I hope it was still good anyway. I was going to put this up yesterday because I want to have at least one chapter up every four days, but sadly, I came down with a fever. Sorry for the longer wait! ~Oreny19**  
**(1) The reddish orange of a desert at sunset is my favorite color:))**


	4. Percival

**AN: I am SO sorry for not updating in two weeks! Long story short, I had a concert, volleyball and crew practice, my birthday:), my birthday party the next day, and even more guests the day after that. Then I was left with plenty of homework to do Sunday night, and tests every day since then so sadly, I haven't****been able to write at much. However, I hope this chapter makes up for it, it's the longest one yet! Percival is one of my favorite knights, so, with any luck, I have done his awesomeness justice. His song is Echo by Jason Walker. Hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or the song Echo.**

**"Music of the Soul"**

**Percival**

The grins on all the men's faces lingered for a little while at the happy ending to Elyan's story. A few moments later, a light began to glow deep in Percival's chest, and all attention was turned to him. Percival looked down at himself, curious at the warm feeling the light was giving him, just like the night before when it had entered. He had always been told that magic was evil, but how could something that was meant to be pure evil be so comforting? He didn't have time to ponder this thought before a light of deep, swirling forest green exited his chest and slowly made its way to the center of the table. The music began with a single piano playing.

_**Hello? Hello?**_  
_**Anybody out there?**_  
_**'Cause I don't hear a sound**_

Percival was instantly taken back to that day. To that horrible, horrible silence. He closed his eyes as the images came back to him like it had just happened yesterday. He would never forget it.

_**Alone. Alone**_  
_**I don't really know where the world is**_  
_**But I miss it now**_

It was gone, his home. Everything, everyone, gone, all in a matter of a few hours.

_**I'm out on the edge**_  
_**And I'm screaming my name **_  
_**Like a fool at the top of my lungs**_

Standing on a hill overlooking where his village once lay, all Percival could see was smoke and the rubble of destroyed homes. When Cenred's men had come, most of the villagers did not have enough to pay the tax. The year had yielded a small harvest, but the soldiers did not care. They burned every last house to the ground, killing almost everyone in the village. A few managed to escape, but it was clear that there was no chance of fighting against Cenred's men. There were simply too many of them.

_**Sometimes when I close my eyes**_  
_**I pretend I'm alright**_  
_**But it's never enough**_

He acted like he didn't remember every last detail, every crumpled, burning body of his friends and family. But it was always in the back of his mind, lurking, waiting for a free moment to come to the forefront of his thoughts and torment him once more.

From the beginning of the song, the knights and Merlin knew this was going to be a tragic story. Arthur remembered that when he first met Percival, he had mentioned that his family was killed. But this was different. This was something more. To feel like one was _completely_ alone in the world, something even more horrific must have happened to Percival. But what could be worse than having all of your family dead? What could have happened to the man that never seemed to reveal this ceaseless pain and emptiness, which was apparent to all of them now.

_**'Cause my echo. Echo.**_  
_**Is the only voice coming back**_  
_**Shadow. Shadow. **_  
_**Is the only friend that I have**_

That silence. It was unbearable. Where before had been children's laughter and the chatter of gossiping friends, there was now nothing but the howling wind and crackling flames. Standing on that hill, Percival could almost hear the screams of those he loved echoing in his ears. He still heard them occasionally in his dreams.

_**Listen. Listen.**_  
_**I would take a whisper**_  
_**If that's all you had to give**_

The other few who had survived had left long ago, unable to look upon the image of their destroyed homes and lifeless loved ones. But Percival stayed. He stood long into the night on that hill, not saying a word, simply hoping, praying that maybe, just maybe, he'd hear a voice calling out from the rubble. A friend who'd somehow survived the slaughter. His father? Maybe his mother's whisper. But nothing came. Not one word.

_**But it isn't, isn't.**_  
_**You could come and save me and**_  
_**Try to chase the crazy right out of my head**_

He had stood there until dawn, until he was certain that nobody was left. That was when he finally broke down, falling to the ground and simply weeping. Crying not only for the lives that were taken, but for the life he had lost. A part of him was killed that day with the rest of his family.

_**I'm out on the edge**_  
_**And I'm screaming my name **_  
_**Like a fool at the top of my lungs**_

He cried and screamed and tried to stop his seemingly endless grief by pounding the ground and anything around as hard as he could in his anger, but none of it made a difference. Nobody heard.

_**Sometimes when I close my eyes**_  
_**I pretend I'm alright**_  
_**But it's never enough**_

Percival had thought the pain would lessen, and it did a small amount, numbed by the passing of time. But it was still constantly there. And now, listening to this song, Percival could not help but feel all those horrible emotions all over again. The pain first, then the grief, the rage, the confusion, and finally, the cold acceptance that the life he had known was gone now. The people he had known were gone. They would never come back.

_**'Cause my echo. Echo.**_  
_**Is the only voice coming back**_  
_**Shadow. Shadow. **_  
_**Is the only friend that I have...**_

He had turned his back on his destroyed home as the sun rose over the horizon, illuminating what Percival could look at in the full light of day. He turned his back and, alone, walked away.

_**I don't want to be an island**_  
_**I just want to feel alive and**_  
_**Get to see your face again**_

His best friends, his cousins, his aunt and uncle.

_**I don't want to be an island**_  
_**I just want to feel alive and **_  
_**Get to see your face again**_

His grandparents, his mother, his father.  
He would never see them again. Never see them smile at him or laugh at a joke during dinner.

_**Once again...**_

He had begged, with whom he did not know, but he had begged with everything he had. He only needed one more chance to see them, one more chance to say goodbye.

_**Just my echo,**_  
_**My shadow**_

_**You're my only friend!**_  
_**And I'm out in the edge!**_  
_**And I'm screaming my name**_  
_**Like a fool at the top of my lungs**_

He had heard people say that men should not weep for anything. Those men are foolish. There are things in this world that one cannot experience without weeping, without screaming in anguish. Percival knew this. But no one was there to comfort him, to dry his eyes and understand his pain.

_**Sometimes when I close my eyes**_  
_**I pretend I'm alright**_  
_**But it's never enough!**_

_**Cause my echo. Echo.**_  
_**Oh my shadow. Shadow.**_

He heard only the sound of his echo that day. His echo, along with the echoes of the dead.

_**Hello? Hello?**_  
_**Anybody out there?**_

The song came to an end and silence filled the room. It was the most emotional and clearly the most painful of the songs they had heard so far, and the rest of the group was wary about the story behind such a tragic song. So they waited, none knowing how to start the conversation they needed to have. Percival needed to talk about this.

After taking a few minutes to compose himself again, Percival looked up, noticing the unsure, compassionate looks in all the men's eyes.

He took a deep breath, "I lived in Cenred's kingdom before coming to Camelot. In a village near the southern border." His voice was quiet but steady. All the men around the table stared at Percival, begging to understand why Percival's song had spoken of so much loss and loneliness. "It happened about two and a half years ago." He whispered, trailing off, lost in his thoughts again.

Clearing his throat gently from disuse, Arthur spoke hesitantly, "What happened two and a half years ago?" He winced as the sound of his dry voice fractured the silence.

Percival looked up, his eyes haunted by horrific images of the past. "It was all destroyed," he rasped, "everyone killed."

_This is it_, Arthur thought, finally understanding, _this is the reason for such a song._ It wasn't only his family that was killed, though that in itself is awful, his entire village, all his friends, his home, all he had ever known, was destroyed before his very eyes.

Everyone around the table sucked in a breath quietly. None had ever thought that the relatively kind man could be holding in such pain. But that's what it seemed their entire little group was made of. Pained, broken men, holding onto each other for comfort, for fear that letting go will leave each with nothing, with emptiness.

After the horrified expressions had passed, Percival looked around the table. "We had a small harvest that year, and most of the families could not pay their taxes. They were ridiculously high. Cenred was a cruel king..." Percival trailed off, darkness entering his eyes.

"We had so little." He continued. "The men were not usually so harsh, but it had been a difficult harvest for the entire kingdom, and the king wanted his money." There was clear anger in his voice, but beyond that, a deep hatred, and saddened resignation. "When they asked for the taxes, we could not pay them all, or we would have starved during the winter! So we refused... And they burned everything to the ground." A shiver ran through Percival, and he closed his eyes, unable to continue for the moment.

Merlin was shocked to say the least. He knew that Percival's family was killed, but his village, his home! He had had no idea. He had a very similar story, but his had a happier ending. His home was safe, his mother still living by the end of the battle, all thanks to Arthur, Gwen, and Morgana. The thought of Morgana served to worsen his mood even more. She was so good once, so kind. What happened? But still, he thought of Percival's story. How easily could the fate of Percival's village have been the fate of his own. He shuddered. Merlin had only lost one friend that day, and although Will was his best childhood friend, he still got to keep his home, his mother, his friends. Percival had lost everything.

The rest of the men had similar thoughts, not able to personally relate to Percival's story, but trying their hardest not to imagine what it would feel like to see everyone you cared about dead. It was a horrible thought. All the men could feel Percival's pain as if it was their own.

"But why?" Merlin asked, the others looking toward him. "Why did they destroy your village when you had only refused to give them the tax once? Wouldn't they give you more time?" Kanan and his men had constantly harassed Merlin's village, and had only resorted to actually destroying it when Arthur had outright challenged them. How could the men that came for Percival's village have passed judgement and condemned everyone to death so quickly?

Percival scoffed, a humorless smile on his face. "I assume they wanted to make an example of us to the other villages who could not pay their taxes. What's one tiny village to the Cenred?" he asked bitterly. "That's why so many perished, no one was expecting them to start burning the houses. They cut down anyone who tried to stop them. I was skilled with a sword, and so dispatched a few of the men, but their numbers were overwhelming, I could not fight them off. That's when everyone began to try to run. But they had stationed a few men at the borders of the village, and anyone who ran past them was killed immediately. They wanted no survivors." The anger and pain emanating from Percival was almost palpable.

"How did you survive?" Elyan asked, concern and shock in his voice. Why had he never told them this? They were his closest friends weren't they?

Percival showed no emotion as he said, "I cut down every last one of the men waiting at the borders. There weren't too many, and most were not very skilled with their weapons. This opened the way for a few more people to escape, but by that time, most were dead." His words hung in the air as images of the events he described made their way into the rest of the men's minds. All were horrified at the senseless slaughter of so many innocent people, only trying to survive.

"What did you do?" Leon asked. He could not imagine being completely alone. Ever since he could remember, his father had pushed him to become a knight, to be a part of something bigger. Leon had never been purposeless. The thought made his heart ache with sympathy for his friend.

Percival shrugged, "What was there to do? The village was burning down, Cenred's men had rode away. Everything was silent, so I knew that if my family hadn't gotten out, there was no hope that they were alive. However, that knowledge didn't keep me from climbing up the hill behind my burning home and watching the flames devour everything I once loved. I had checked, my friends and family were not among those who escaped." His voice was quiet by the end of his words, barely audible. Clearing his throat, Percival began again, stronger this time. "The others who escaped had left after a little while, not able to watch the flames any longer. But I couldn't pull my eyes away. I knew that everyone was killed, but there was still a small amount of hope left within me that I would hear their voices calling, that I could still save them... I heard nothing." The silence. He couldn't bear that silence, it would haunted him for the rest of his life.

"I'm so sorry for you loss Percival." Arthur all but whispered. "If I had known what was happening, I could have helped, I cou-"

"Stop Arthur." Percival said. "You can't protect everyone, those weren't even your lands!"

"No, but they were close, I should have known!" Arthur exclaimed. Percival just shook his head. Arthur was constantly trying to protect everyone, it's what he was raised to do, to defend those who could not defend themselves. To be their leader and guide. Arthur had saved Merlin's village, but Percival's had perished. Even though he knew that it wasn't truly his fault, Arthur couldn't help but feel guilty about that.

"You all know what happened next," Percival said, " Lancelot found me, and we saved your sorry selves from Morgana." He tried to lighten the mood, and the others smiled slightly, glad to see that despite his past, Percival had not turned bitter, he was going to be alright. Percival could see that the story had affected everyone. He felt his heart swell at the show of camaraderie. They all cared for him. Although he had lost his family, Percival was slowly building a new one.

**AN: So what did you guys think? It took me a long time to find a song for Percival. Originally, this song was one of the ones I was considering for Merlin because I think it suits him very well too. There is a good video on YouTube with this song for Merlin. The URL ending is**

_**/watch?v=9NbgLy4jN4k**_

**You all should check it out. I promise the next chapter will not take this long to post! Leon's up next, hope you enjoyed it!**  
**~Oreny19**


	5. Leon

**AN: Hey guys, thanks for all the kind reviews! I'm really glad you all like the story so far! I haven't posted a chapter in a while because my computer's charger broke and it's been dead for a while now. The new charger finally came in the mail a few days ago and your reviews for an update have been answered! Leon's song is Down, and again, it's by Jason Walker. Hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or the song Down.**

**"Music of the Soul"**

**Leon**

Percival turned expectantly toward the final three members of their little group whose songs hadn't yet been sung. They looked nervously at each other, neither wanting themselves to be next. However, soon enough, a glowing began in Leon's chest and he grimaced.

The light was a mixture of pure white and accents of a bright yellow, though not quite gold, moving together in what seemed like a dance. Soon, the light had settled in the center of the table and the music began to play.

_**I don't know where I'm at**_  
_**I'm standing at the back**_  
_**And I'm tired of waiting**_  
_**Waiting here in line, **_  
_**Hoping that I'll find,**_  
_**What I've been chasing.**_

Leon had always wanted to be a knight. Or, more accurately, his father had always wanted him to be a knight. Not having enough skill to join the elite group himself, he relied on his son to bring the honor of knighthood to the family. Ever since Leon could remember, his father had told him stories of the noble knights, all their brave deeds to protect the innocents and do what's right. Leon had started training with a sword at age eight with a master swordsman, his father always watching over Leon's progress with a critical eye.

Nothing was ever good enough for his father. If Leon had finally mastered a difficult move, his father would say that there was more to learn. If he had beaten a strong opponent, his father would only match him with someone stronger and watch silently as his son was defeated. He would not stand for his son being anything but the best. Only when Leon had defeated the best swordsmen around had his father considered sending him to Camelot.

_**I shot for the sky**_  
_**I'm stuck on the ground**_  
_**So why do I try, **_  
_**I know I'm gonna to fall down**_

When Leon was fifteen, his father took him to Camelot in order to try to become a knight. There had been so many men there, men older and stronger than himself. But he couldn't fail his father. This was the moment he had hoped for all his life. He tried with all he had, and finally his work had paid off. Leon was made a Knight of Camelot.

It had seemed that all his dreams were coming true. The knights had welcomed him, and he was looked up to when he walked the streets of Camelot, the city he would loyally defend.

_**I thought I could fly,**_  
_**So why did I drown?**_  
_**Never know why**_  
_**It's coming down, down, down.**_

But Leon soon found out that being a knight for King Uther wasn't always about doing what's right and protecting innocents. His father's stories of nobility and bravery seemed to have disappeared. Oh the knights were still brave, and they defended Camelot, but too often did Leon witness the cruel beatings and whippings ordered by King Uther, given to those who had committed, what seemed to Leon, a minor crime. Even worse yet were the executions.

Most of the _noble_ knights did not seem to care, they simply followed their orders, not hearing the screams of the people. Maybe they had served under Uther for too long to feel the guilt at what they were doing. Maybe they simply didn't care. The older knights especially did not have any qualms with following Uther's often cruel orders. They had been Uther's knights for almost as long as he had ruled, and had the same attitude as him when it came to mercy. Mercy was a weakness, and a man should never show weakness. Leon had learned that lesson very quickly after becoming a knight.

_**Not ready to let go**_  
_**Cause then I'd never know**_  
_**What I could be missing**_  
_**But I'm missing way too much**_  
_**So when do I give up**_  
_**What I've been wishing for.**_

He had considered quitting, if it was possible for a knight to do such a thing. But no, he would not quit. Leon had worked for seven years to get to where he was, and he would not give up so easily. But how could he follow a man who killed so easily, who seemed to feel no guilt about the murder of children! He had killed so many Druidic children, innocents who could not so much as comprehend what evil was! But Uther had claimed that they would grow to become evil, just like the rest of their kind. Magic did not have a place in this world. Although Leon did not sympathize with magic users, for they knew the law and still insisted on practicing sorcery, he could not stomach the idea of killing children, even adults, who did not seem to be using their magic for harm.

_**I shot for the sky**_  
_**I'm stuck on the ground**_  
_**So why do I try,**_  
_**I know I'm gonna to fall down**_

_**I thought I could fly,**_  
_**So why did I drown?**_  
_**Never know why**_  
_**It's coming down, down, down.**_

Months passed in the same way and Leon began to lose himself. What had happened to the young boy who wanted nothing more than to please his father, to be strong, noble, and admirable. He was not admirable. He followed a once great king who had turned bitter and cruel with the death of his wife.

_**Oh I am going down, down, down**_  
_**Can't find another way around**_  
_**And I don't want to hear the sound,**_  
_**Of losing what I never found.**_

So many years he had trained to be a knight, and, from the outside, it seemed that all of his dreams come true. He was a lucky noble boy who got what he wanted because of the circumstances of his birth. But that was the farthest thing from the truth. Leon never had accomplished his dreams, and after a few years of knighthood, he had all but given up, believing them to be unreachable.

_**I shot for the sky**_  
_**I'm stuck on the ground**_  
_**So why do I try,**_  
_**I know I'm gonna to fall down**_

There was no honor, no pride in being one of Uther's knights. Of course there were occasions when the knights would protect the city and save the lives of citizens, but after the glory of battle wore off, there was always the nagging thought in Leon's mind that, just because he had saved a life, it does not excuse the countless others he did not raise a hand to protect.

_**I thought I could fly,**_  
_**So why did I drown?**_  
_**Oh it's coming down, down, down**_.

The song ended and the light faded into the surrounding air. The men sitting around the table were confused, Arthur especially. He had known Leon since the knight had come to Camelot, when the prince was only ten years old. In the fifteen odd years since then, Arthur could not think of a moment when this song could have applied to Leon, let alone have been chosen as his soul's song.

Leon, wanting to get the explanation over with, took a deep breath and began, "Ever since I was a little boy, my father wanted me to become a knight of Camelot." He had a nostalgic, yet slightly bitter smile on his feature, "I would train endlessly, but nothing was ever good enough for my father. I had to defeat all of my masters before I was even allowed to attempt to become a knight. That goal was accomplished at age fifteen."

The others looked at Leon impressed. Fifteen was still a relatively young age to become a knight. Most men joined the elite ranks of the knights in their early to mid 20s. Arthur understood the pressures of a father who demanded his son to be the best. He had trained for what seemed his entire life, and had too joined the knights early in his teenage years. Although the men were impressed, they were also concerned at the strained relationship that Leon seemed to describe having with his father.

"I wanted to please my father. So many years he showed no pride, simply saying that I could always do better, I could _be_ better. When I was knighted all those years ago, I thought that he would be proud, I thought that finally, finally all my hard work would have a reward." Leon's words became darker as he kept speaking, confusing the other knights, who were happy with their positions. Leon made it sound as if he did not want to be a knight.

After a brief pause, Leon seemed to have collected his thoughts and continued, "I wouldn't expect you to understand," Leon said, addressing the rest of the men, specifically the knights, "you were all knighted by Arthur, you all served only under Arthur, first as Prince Regent, and now as King. He is a good, just king." Leon said, musing to himself. The other knights nodded, agreeing with Leon's opinion of their king. Merlin looked at Arthur proudly, thinking back to how much of a prat he had been when they had first met, and how far Arthur had come since then. Arthur was a bit uncomfortable at the seemingly random praise. What did this have to do with Leon's song?

"I mean no offence when I say this Arthur, I truly hope you are not upset by it." Leon suddenly said, looking worriedly at his king and longtime friend. "When I was young, my father always told me wondrous stories of the bravery and nobility of the knights of Camelot. I was so honored to have become a knight, but I was naive, which soon became apparent to me. The nobility my father had described, I saw it in very few of the knights. This was before Arthur had become a knight himself and took over training and initiation to knighthood, these were all Uther's knights." Gwaine and Elyan seemed to understand, never having liked the late king very much. They knew he was cruel, merciless, and Gwaine especially had heard the man being called a tyrant in his travels on more than one occasion.

"Uther would send us out on missions to track down and destroy Druid camps, people who had not ever attacked Camelot, nor were they harming any of the villages near them. They lived peacefully, and still they were hunted. Hunted by us, hunted by me! No matter who ordered the massacres, it was us who had executed them. It was by my sword that innocent men fell." Leon shuddered, old memories resurfacing again, the faces of the dead swimming behind his eyes.

Merlin understood well the horrors Leon had seen. He remembered his first day in Camelot, there had been an execution. It was an awful sight, and an ominous welcome, considering his own secret abilities, but somehow, Merlin was not able to look away. He had wondered how one man could be so cruel, how he could not feel the agony he inflicted as he tore families apart, forced innocents to flee for their lives for the crime of simply existing. Merlin himself had been forced to kill, although for a different king. He killed for the protection of Arthur, and Camelot, for the promise of a brighter future, brought by the destined king. But still, he was disgusted at the number of people whose lives he had taken, no matter how justifiable his reasons. Merlin understood Leon well.

Arthur closed his eyes, knowing that what Leon said was the truth, though not wanting to think of his father in that way. Arthur knew that Uther Pendragon had been blind when it came to magic, and Arthur himself had been effected by that blind hatred. Leon's story made him think of the Druidic camp which he had destroyed, the lives he had ordered to be taken. His closed eyes tightened, guilt flooding him. The slain boy who had taken over Elyan's body in order to have revenge on Arthur had looked barely ten years old! He had killed that boy. How many others like him had died because of his orders?

Leon's voice broke the prolonged silence as he said quietly, "It wasn't until Arthur took charge that I truly started to see the good, noble knights my father had always told me about." Arthur opened his eyes at Leon's words and looked at the older man. There was a clear "thank you" in his eyes, and Leon simply nodded, thinking that he should be the one thanking Arthur; he was truly a good king. The two men lightly smiled at each other, having gone through countless battles together. Both knew that if the other ever needed help, they would be there. Looking around the table, Leon thought _They would __**all**__ always be there._

**AN: Yay the chapter's finally done! Again, sorry about the long wait, but Arthur's up next! Tell me what you thought?**


	6. Arthur

**AN: Thank you to all my fantastic reviewers, I'm very honored by your encouraging words and am amazed at the reception this story has received so far! I've been out of town for the last two weekends, and can't really write during the week, but finally got the chapter up! It's the longest one so far, at over 3,500 words! The chapter's dedicated to ****SilvermistAnimeLover, who has suggested to me so many amazing songs and is still looking. Thanks for helping me out!**** Arthur's song is "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or the song "Dust in the Wind".**

"**Music of the Soul"**

**Arthur**

It seemed that everyone at the table realized that the task given to them by Aniya, to listen and understand each other was almost complete. There were only two more songs to be heard.

Arthur and Merlin glanced at each other uncertainly as the others looked expectantly at Merlin. Everyone assumed he would be next, as Arthur was the king and would seemingly be going be last. Merlin, being his best friend - though Arthur wouldn't admit it - would naturally be before Arthur.

However, Merlin knew differently. This whole adventure was not planned with the main purpose of revealing all of the knights' and Arthur's pasts, but for revealing Merlin's secrets. Although he did not doubt that their stories were important, as Merlin truly believed that there had to be complete trust between the men, but he knew that they were building up to his song and subsequent confession of all the things he had kept hidden over the years. Merlin knew his song would be last. With only one song between him and the moment he had been waiting for for what seemed like eons, Merlin's stomach tightened, his anxiousness evident in the way he wrung his hands together.

"We should take a break." Merlin said suddenly, trying to prolong his quickly diminishing time as being simply Merlin in the eyes of his friends, not Merlin the Sorcerer or Emrys. After today, they would never look at him the same. Would they even want to look at him after they hear of all the lies he has told, all the horrible deeds he has done? Would he lose them?

"I agree," Arthur agreed, also trying to lengthen the time until his song and all his vulnerabilities would be put on display for all to see. "It's nearing noon, we should go hunting for lunch."

"I'll make a stew." Merlin said quickly, needing to keep his hands busy to take his mind off of what he perceived as the impending destruction of everything he cared about and worked for over the years.

The knights, although agreeing, looked somewhat reluctant to stop listening with only two more songs to go. Now that their songs had been sung, it was as if a weight had been taken off their chests and they could breathe again. Most of them had very seldom, if ever, told their stories. For Percival and Leon, it was the first they ever spoke of their experiences in detail.

"Worried about your song Merlin? Arthur?" Gwaine asked, giving a mischievous smirk at the two men, who were clearly trying to avoid the reappearance of their lights, this time returning with their soul songs.

"Oh, shut up Gwaine." Arthur grumbled, getting up from the table with slight relief on his face for the delay. "Elyan, Percival," he called out, already heading across the room to take up his hunting weaponry, "you're coming with me to hunt, Leon, make a fire." He turned to the last two members of their small group, "Gwaine, Merlin, I suppose you can just laze about like you usually do. Let's go." Arthur called to Elyan and Percival as Gwaine and Merlin rolled their eyes.

Although everyone in the room knew what Arthur was trying to do, they still appreciated their King's attempt at normalcy. It gave them a sense of comfort, which, they supposed, was the point to Arthur commanding everyone like the prat Merlin constantly claimed he was.

Leon headed over to the medium sized fire pit they had created that morning, arranging the extra wood which was also brought into the castle earlier. Merlin, not wanting to sit still, stood silently and grabbed the fodder, heading outside to feed the horses and breathe some fresh air. Soon enough, the hunting party had returned with a deer, which was skinned and cooking over the fire within minutes. Merlin continually turned the spit, focusing on the repetitive motion as the men sat around in a loose circle, no one speaking.

"So." Gwaine said suddenly, grabbing everyone's attention. "What do you think your song's going to be about?" He asked, facing Merlin.

The man in question looked up from the spit cautiously and said, "Guess we'll find out soon enough won't we?" before returning to his work, shoulders tense.

"Oh, come on! You must have some clue as to what it'll be about. We're not supposed to be holding back secrets remember?" At these words, Merlin seemed to tense even more, holding his breath for a few seconds before releasing it as he turned the spit once more, not looking any of the knights in the eye. "I had already guessed what my song would be about before the first note even played." Gwaine continued, the others who's songs had already been revealed nodded in agreement, also having guessed what their songs would be about before the light had produced the music.

"I bet his song will be about the hardships of a farmer's life." Arthur teased, though not meanly, trying to relieve the tension.

"Or the woes of being a servant." Leon added, chuckling along with the rest of the men as Merlin smiled slightly, though it did not reach his eyes. Oh, they had no idea.

Soon enough, the men were slurping the remnants of their stew and taking the last bites of their deer. It was time to return to the table. After everyone had taken their seats, silence settled once more before a Pendragon red light cut by streaks of brave, royal purple slowly flowed out of Arthur's chest. All eyes, but Merlin's went wide before narrowing in confusion, swiftly changing their intense stares from Merlin to the light. So Arthur wouldn't be last after all. _Maybe the order of songs was not specific afterall_, they all thought. Merlin simply stared down at the table, not wanting to see their confusion; all would become clear soon enough.

The light had finally reached the center of the table and had the attention of the men once more. A gentle tune started.

_**I close my eyes**_

_**Only for a moment**_

_**And the moment's gone**_

The past few years seemed to have gone by in the blink of an eye, and yet, so much had changed. What had happened to the security Arthur felt in his life? Everything he had once seen as permanent, all his beliefs were obliterated in a mere six years. His father is the king of Camelot. Morgana is harmless. All druids are evil. Servants are worthless. Everything Arthur had been taught, had believed throughout his childhood, and much of his adolescence was gone.

He was now the king of Camelot, his seemingly invincible father dead. Morgana, kind-hearted Morgana who could not even watch an execution and would risk the wrath of Uther to stand up for what she believed in was now Camelot's greatest enemy and killed innocent people without remorse. The druids had truly proven to be the peaceful people they claimed to be, and had even healed Leon when he was close to death, earning the trust of Arthur. And it was now clear to Arthur that it did not matter what station a man held, even a servant could be the bravest and most loyal of men. Six years and Arthur's entire perspective had changed. Could it only have been six years ago that he had been such a spoiled, arrogant child?

_**All my dreams**_

_**Pass before my eyes**_

_**A curiosity**_

Arthur had once wished to rule like his father when the time came for him to be king. He wanted the people to respect him, and had even tried to be like his father in the first few weeks after his coronation. But Arthur soon realized that he wasn't Uther, and he could not rule like him. He had believed that because of this, his people thought him weak, when truly, it was strength they saw when Arthur had gone to Queen Annis's camp and almost begged for a one on one combat instead of the endless bloodshed that was bound to occur if they had gone to war. It was strength his people saw when Arthur refused to kill his defenseless opponent, instead making peace with Camelot's would be enemy.

But his father had ruled a strong kingdom for over twenty years, and within the first few weeks of his rule, Arthur had nearly caused a catastrophic war with a neighboring kingdom! Arthur could not help but doubt his fitness to be king, it seemed he made so many mistakes, and then just barely was able to fix them before destroying his entire kingdom.

_**Dust in the wind**_

_**All they are is**_

_**Dust in the wind**_

But if he thought about it now, Arthur did not want to be like his father anymore. When had he stopped thinking of his father as a great ruler, and started thinking of him as a close-minded man who incited fear instead of respect? What had happened to the man Arthur once used to look up to?

_**Same old song**_

_**Just a drop of water**_

_**In an endless sea**_

As a child, Arthur had always believed that he was destined for greatness, that, because he was the prince, he would be a great king one day and would be remembered always. He scoffed at this idea now. What made him any better, any more memorable than all the other kings that came before him, or all the kings of every other kingdom in the world? Just because he was born with a privileged title did not mean he was destined to be great. There were many kings before him, and there would be many kings after, what made him unique?

_**All we do**_

_**Crumbles to the ground**_

_**Though we refuse to see**_

Arthur smiled bitterly at these lines. They made him recall the last time he had seen his father. Uther had told him that Arthur was ruining Camelot, that he was destroying Uther's legacy by marrying a servant and living peacefully with druids. For the last twenty five years of his life, Uther was dedicated to the destruction of all things magical. The Great Purge was his legacy. And yet, in only a few short months, Arthur had already begun to slowly accept magical being, starting with the druids. Twenty five years of Uther's work was brought down in a matter of months. If such things could happen, what did it matter what Arthur now did? His accomplishments would only be destroyed one day, like he had destroyed the "accomplishments" of his father. Even as King of Camelot, he could not make a permanent difference in his kingdom, in the world.

_**Dust in the wind**_

_**All we are is**_

_**Dust in the wind, oh!**_

_**Now, don't hang on**_

_**Nothing lasts forever**_

_**But the Earth and sky**_

Soon enough, Arthur would be gone, and with him, all his achievements and memories. He was nothing special, only a spec in the history of the world, and all the great people that had once inhabited it. Despite what his knights said, Arthur knew he was not great. What had he done to earn such loyal friends?

_**It slips away **_

_**And all your money**_

_**Won't another minute buy**_

He was built up on a pedestal, placed on a throne, but what had he done to earn it? Despite all the riches Arthur had at his disposal, he knew that in the end, riches didn't matter. You're not remembered by the amount of wealth you had, but by your actions, and your character. Arthur knew that he was not the strongest man there was, nor the smartest, he was not the most honest man, nor the kindest. So why was it that he was the one on the throne and not another man more suited for it? Was he truly fit to be king? He had not even been Uther's first child, though his father didn't seem to think that important to tell his son.

_**Dust in the wind**_

_**All we are is **_

_**Dust in the wind**_

Arthur's time as king would pass and he would join the ranks of the forgotten. He knew his childhood dreams of a great destiny were foolish. Arthur would constantly try his hardest to make Camelot a strong, respectable kingdom, but there would always be doubt in the back of his mind. If he was truly a great king, his uncle would never have betrayed him, and Morgana would not be constantly trying to kill him, his father would be proud instead of disappointed of his actions as king. What had made his family betray him, on more than one occasion? Was there something so wrong with him? He knew he was not a perfect ruler, but was he so terrible as to have his sister and uncle try to kill him, his father renounce him?

_**Dust in the wind**_

_**Everything is**_

_**Dust in the wind**_

The guitar slowly faded out and all eyes turned toward Arthur one by one. His knights were definitely confused, that much was clear. What had happened to the confident king they oftentimes see sitting on his throne?

Arthur wasn't meeting anyone's eyes, staring hard at the table. He knew what they expected now, for him to reveal to them what his song was about, for him to confess his unhappy childhood and destroyed beliefs. But everything he was ever taught told him to never show weakness, and by revealing his innermost doubt and insecurities, Arthur would be leaving himself extremely vulnerable. A king had to at least appear strong in front of his people, even if he was breaking inside.

_But these are not only my people,_ Arthur thought, slowly raising his head and looking around the table. These men were his closest friends, and though he'd never said so to them in so many words, each man understood the bond they shared. If there were any men he could show his true emotions to, these were them. Steeling his resolve, Arthur clenched his jaw slightly and held his head higher.

"I think you all know by now that I did not have the best relationship with my father." At Arthur's words, the rest of the men began to nod. Merlin all too clearly remembered the numerous times Arthur had gotten into shouting matches with the late king. Directing his attention at Leon, Arthur resumed his words, "I, much like you Leon, was constantly pressured by my father to be the best, constantly told I had to succeed. I began to believe that it was my destiny to succeed, the way my father spoke of it." Arthur smiled at his own naive foolishness.

Merlin however smiled for a completely different reason. Oh the irony, it seemed that Arthur believed these childhood fantasies to be false, when in truth, they were anything but. It _was_ Arthur's destiny to succeed, to be loved by his people and respected by neighboring kingdoms. Even when all seemed lost, Merlin had believed in his and Arthur's destiny, if nothing else.

The knights were confused by Arthur's tone. In their opinion, Arthur was great, and he had succeeded. Despite all the teasing between the knights, they all knew that Arthur defended his people with honor and justice. What more could be asked of him?

"As a child, I always looked up to my father." Arthur continued, eyes hardening slightly. "In him I saw a strong leader, one whom I wanted to model myself after. I strived to be like my father for many years, and did not see his cruelty until I was much older. I finally began to see how unreasonable and even merciless my father could be, and still I tried to rule like him when first gaining the crown." Arthur seemed disgusted with himself. Even thinking about his decision to kill King Caerleon and how it almost destroyed his kingdom made him angry with himself. What a fool he had been.

Knowing where Arthur's thoughts were going, Merlin quickly injected, "But that wasn't your fault Arthur!" All eyes turned toward Merlin, slightly shocked at the passion with which he spoke. "Agravaine had been purposely leading you down the wrong path as king. He used your grief for your father to manipulate you into acting like he would when you would never have done so on your own!" It was clear Merlin truly believed Arthur was not to blame for the mistakes of his early rule, but his words seemed to only enliven Arthur.

"So let us talk of Agravaine then!" Arthur exclaimed, fury in his eyes as he thought of his uncle. "What is it that made my him hate me so, what is it that made him join Morgana in her plot to murder me?" The pain was evident in Arthur's eyes, he had been betrayed too often. "And what of Morgana then? I have known her since boyhood, she is my sister! And still she chooses to fight against me, wishes for nothing more than my death! What is it about me that she hates so much? What makes my family betray me? Am I so much like Uther that Morgana could not trust me to spare her life, to let her explain why she has studied magic? Camelot now lives in peace with the Druids, I thought only by this act it proves that I am not my father." Although it was a statement, Arthur also seemed to be asking them what they thought, if they also believed that he was as unreasonable as his father.

The men seemed outraged at even the thought that Arthur was unsure of his goodness, of his strength as king.

Leon spoke first, "Sire, I have served under your father for many years, and I assure you that there are many differences between the two of you. If you forgive me saying so, King Uther had many flaws, and though you are not perfect either my lord," at this Arthur smiled and was glad for the slight teasing, "it is clear that you are the greater ruler. Where Uther showed intolerance, you show justice, where Uther showed cruelty, you show forgiveness. As I've said before, I am truly honored to serve you Arthur." Though Arthur was heartened by Leon's words, he could not forget the words his father had spoken to him, could not forget the disappointment and anger in Uther's translucent eyes upon seeing how Arthur had changed the kingdom.

"My father would not agree with you." Arthur muttered quietly, almost to himself. Although he didn't show it, his father's words had hurt Arthur more than he let on. Even in death, Uther had found a way to try to control his son's actions to what he had believed was best for the kingdom. The knights did not find great significance in Arthur's words, believing them only to be Arthur's insecurities created from the betrayal of two close family members. Merlin however knew what Arthur was talking about, and quickly caught Arthur's eye before the king looked away from the compassion he saw in his servant. Arthur's eyes flutter shut quickly and he felt his throat closing up at the memories. His jaw tightened before he finally opened his eyes, staring at the table and trying to forcing back the tears straining against his eyelids. After a couple of seconds like this, Arthur looked up again at his men. Not five seconds had passed since Arthur had spoken.

Elyan looked Arthur in the eye earnestly. "I assure you Arthur, the people love you. I have heard them telling stories of your great adventures and quests to save Camelot around the market. They are grateful to have a king that cares so much for their safety and happiness. As a boy, I had never heard these sorts of stories being told of Uther. Please believe me when I say you are a great king Arthur." Elyan finished his words to the smiles and encouraging nods of the rest of his men. Looking around at them all, Arthur had never more strongly believed that a family did not have to related by blood. It was not Morgana nor Agravaine, nor even his father who had been told to listen to the song with him. This group of men were meant to be his most trusted companions, his greatest friends. It was their opinions that mattered the most.

Nothing had to be said for the men to see the gratitude on their king's face. Like for all the others whose songs had been sung, a weight seemed to lift off of Arthur's shoulders. However, that weight also settled on Merlin's even more heavily than before. It was time.

**AN: I'm not completely sure if I like this chapter or not. It didn't come out exactly as I pictured it in my head, but it is what it is, so I hope you enjoyed it anyway. Clearly, Merlin's chapter is next. Let's be honest, it's the chapter you've all been waiting for:). My spring break is coming up soon so I'll have more time to write, and will hopefully have the chapter up next weekend! Leave a review and make me happy? Thanks for reading!**

**~Oreny19**


	7. Merlin

**AN: This is the chapter you've all been waiting for, Merlin's chapter! I am SO terribly sorry for the long wait! Slight writers block + busiest weeks of school ever = an awfully late update. I hope this chapter will be worth it! A number of you guessed the song I have planned on using since the beginning of the story, which is "What if I Told You" by Jason Walker, so congrats to you guys, you know who you are! And now, on with the chapter, I hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin or the song "What if I Told You".**

"**Music of the Soul"**

**Merlin**

Merlin's grip on the armrests of his chair became vice-like as he started to feel a warmth in his chest, completely contradictory of the cold fear running through his veins. Looking down, he saw a light leave the area around his heart. It was the brightest golden color he had ever seen, shining like the gold of his eyes and capturing the attention of every man in the room as it twisted and reshaped itself continuously. Merlin heard a few low gasps as if from under water. This was the moment everything came down to, this was the moment he had waited years for.

Merlin raised his head slightly, jaw tightening as a fire entered his eyes. The determination on Merlin's face was clear to all the men, but they did not know that it was a determination to not show his fear. After what seemed like ages, the golden light had finally settled in the center of the table, and the music began.

_**What if I told you**_

_**Who I really was**_

Merlin held back a bitter laugh threatening to spill from his lips. The first words of the song and it already described the war that had raged in his heart and mind since he came to Camelot. What if he told them? Would they be awed? Shocked? Angry? Merlin believed the worst reaction of all would come from Arthur. He would feel betrayed.

Merlin could not stand to think that he would cause Arthur the kind of pain that Morgana and Agravaine had caused the young king. He knew that of all the people in Arthur's life, Merlin was amongst his most trusted friends, if not Arthur's one _most_ trusted friend. He had been with Arthur through everything, never once backing down no matter what lay ahead, no matter how slim the odds of surviving were. Merlin knew that sharing these experiences had built an immense friendship between the two men, with a seemingly unbreakable trust at the center of it. But oh how breakable it seemed now. How would Arthur react when he finally discovered that his most trusted friend has been lying to him since the moment they met? Merlin closed his eyes, trying desperately to push those thoughts out of his mind.

The men sitting around the table looked at Merlin in concern. If only the first words of the song had caused such a look of longing pain upon his face, then they knew that the rest of it would be no easier. What did the song mean? Didn't Merlin's closest friends know him fairly well?

_**What if I let you in**_

_**On my charade**_

Now the men were very confused. They could not think of what secrets Merlin could be hiding. He seemed to be an open book, always happy, constantly teasing Arthur. What kind of charade could Merlin have?

_**What if I told you**_

_**What was really going on**_

Merlin thought about all the times he had lied about the true events that surrounded so many of his and Arthur's adventures. They were innumerable. Some of the most significant that came to mind were the dragon, the sidhe, the immortal armies. Morgana. The more lies Merlin remembered, the more panic seemed to settle in his eyes. There was just too much, _years_ of lying that when revealed, would cut a wound so deep that Merlin doubted it would ever heal. Arthur had not willingly run away to marry Sophia. He had not slain the Great Dragon, and Morgana had not defeated the immortal army. And the Knights of Medhir. Merlin had poisoned Morgana. The memory of her shocked, betrayed eyes still haunted him, even after all these years. Morgana would always be Merlin's greatest regret, and now all his closest friends would know what he had done, or rather, what he was too afraid to do. He could have helped her, told her of his magic. But then, this was always her destiny wasn't it?

_**No more mask**_

_**And no more parts to play**_

When thinking of Merlin, Arthur picture his clumsy servant, who woke him each morning with a wide grin on his face, who disliked hunting for sport and would hide behind trees in a dangerous situation. However, Merlin was also the most loyal man Arthur had ever met. Once you had his friendship, he would defend you with his final breath, it was just the kind of man he was. There were those rare times when Merlin displayed a strange wisdom. When speaking of destiny, or encouraging Arthur to not give up the fight for Camelot, Merlin had spoken with such understanding, such conviction, that Arthur couldn't help but believe him. Merlin truly believed with everything he was that Arthur was a good king, that it was his right, his destiny to sit on the throne. So which Merlin was real and which was the mask? Was he the foolish, cheerful man, or the wise, determined advisor. Arthur had never thought of it this way, but it seemed that there were many parts to Merlin that the man did not often show to the world.

_**Oh there's so much I wanna say**_

_**But I'm so scared to give away**_

_**Every little secret that I hide behind**_

How many times had Merlin tried to tell Arthur about his magic? How many times had he yearned for nothing more and hurt because of the lies he had to constantly give? Lying had become almost second nature to him by now. His entire life Merlin had lied. Maybe having magic did not make him a monster, but have all those lies done it instead? What kind of man lied to his closest friends? What kind of man was so cowardly that he could not tell the truth? At first, Merlin was angry that he was never recognized for his deeds, but that didn't matter anymore. It hadn't mattered for a long time now. He was simply upset that his friends didn't _truly_ know him. Every time Merlin told Arthur another lie, his heart clenched a bit. It seemed there would be no end. Merlin had almost given up believing his secrets would ever be revealed, that he would ever be free.

_**Oh would you see me differently?**_

_**And would that be such a bad thing?**_

_Fool. Idiot. Useless. Incompetent. Clumsy. Weak. _Every negative name he had ever been called, even if it was only in jest, came streaming into his mind. Merlin clenched his teeth in sudden anger. Was he an idiot, when he has been able to hide a secret from the moment he was born? Was he incompetent, when he had saved Arthur from every corrupt sorcerer and hellish creature that had dared try to harm him? Was he weak when he had power over life and death itself? No, if they only knew what he had done, they would not think him a defenseless servant that needed their protection. Merlin did not doubt the friendship between himself and the rest of the men sitting at the table, but if they knew of his magic, Merlin would be equal to them, he could defend his friends with his powers without fear of rejection. They could fight together towards a brighter future, and he could stop acting like the helpless servant. He could finally have the role destiny had foretold for him.

_**I wonder what it would be like**_

_**If I told you.**_

_**What if I told you**_

_**That it's just a front**_

_**To hide the insecurities I have**_

There were always those who looked upon servants as lower than the dirt beneath their feet. Not many nobles still acted this way, but those of the older generation looked at Merlin with contempt when they saw him speak with Arthur, banter with Arthur as if he was his equal. Merlin knew Arthur did not see Merlin as lower than himself, though the looks he received from the elder nobles created a small sense of uncertainty in Merlin's gut. He was but a farm boy, what was he doing advising a king, acting as though he belonged there. What if the druids have the wrong man? How could a simple farming boy from a small village be destined for something so great? How was he meant to be the savior of the magical community. It doesn't happen often, but from time to time, Merlin doubts his destiny. Sometimes it seems that the legalization of magic is as out of reach as the sun, but he has not once yet given up, and he doesn't plan on giving up any time soon.

_**And what if I told you,**_

_**That I'm not as strong**_

_**As I like to make-believe I am**_

The druids had told him that he was prophesized to be the greatest warlock to ever walk the Earth, the most powerful magic user, though Merlin often felt as though he was being crushed under the weight of his destiny. How could he be the most powerful sorcerer when it had taken him so much time to master what now seemed like simple spells? Yes, Merlin had faith in the prophecy, but it seemed that his job was getting harder and harder as more time passed by. There had been so many close situations in which Merlin had just barely saved Arthur from death, from being gone forever from the world. What if he was too late just once, and everything that he had worked toward was destroyed. What if he relaxed his watch for just a second and his best friend was killed? No, Merlin had to be constantly vigilant, even if he felt as if he could do nothing to stop the coming threat, he would always try his hardest, and when someone would look to him for help, he would at least pretend he was strong.

_**There's so much I wanna say**_

_**But I'm so scared to give away**_

_**Every little secret that I hide behind**_

His whole life Merlin had been hiding. Hiding from his neighbors in Ealdor, hiding from his friends, from his enemies, constantly hiding. What would it be like to finally stand under the sun without a disguise, without a lie bearing him down, to completely be himself for all to see? Not for the first time, Merlin imagined what it was like to live in the time before the Purge, when magic was commonplace, and even celebrated instead of feared and hated. The image conjured by his mind put a smile on his face. _This is what I'm fighting for. _Merlin thought. _This bright_ _future in which nobody has to fear anymore. This is freedom._

_**Would you see me differently?**_

_**And would that be such a bad thing?**_

If everyone knew of the things he had accomplished, they would see that magic was not evil, that it did not corrupt a person. Magic simply was, neither good nor evil. He could tell them about all the times he rescued Camelot, rescued Arthur. He could even tell them how useful magic was for everyday purposes. The possibilities were truly endless for the benefits of magic, and Merlin was the one that could show this to the people, to his friends. He could be the one to change over twenty years of hatred and persecution. Merlin would make this future come to pass, he was determined it would happen. All he had to do was tell them. This was easier said than done. His slight smile turned into a grimace as he remembered that it was almost time. Would Arthur really be able to overcome his father's hatred of magic? Would he be able to forgive the broken trust and betrayal?

_**Well I wonder what it would be like**_

_**If I told you.**_

_**Oh if I told you**_

In his mind's eye, Merlin could see druids and sorcerers wandering the markets of Camelot, stopping to chat with non magical people, to laugh with each other and exchange stories. He could see himself purposefully pestering Arthur until he threw a goblet at Merlin, only to have it slowed and stopped in mid air by magic, much to Arthur's irritation. He imagined how Arthur would believe him of the dangers coming, or how easy it would be to defend Arthur without having to hide. It would be amazing, much like how he had imagined the Camelot of the past, only this time, he would be able to experience it himself, not only in his dreams.

_**There's so much I wanna say**_

_**But I'm so scared to give away**_

_**Every little secret that I hide behind!**_

By the rise and repetition of the music, Merlin could tell that it was coming to an end, and his explanation would have to come soon after. Merlin felt his blooded pumping throughout his body, adrenaline coursing through him as he anticipated the moment he would finally give away all his secrets. He took a breath that was meant to calm, but did nothing to slow his heart. There was no going back.

_**Oh, would you see me differently?**_

_**And would that be such a bad thing?**_

_**Well I wonder what it would be like**_

_**If I told you!**_

_**Oh what if I told you!**_

_**What would it be like?**_

_**What would it be like?**_

_I can do this._ _I can do this. _Merlin repeated to himself as the song slowly became quieter. The knights were looking at him with utter confusion, along with Arthur, who, although was confused, Merlin could also see his friend had a wary look of concern hidden in his eyes. No matter how wary he may be, Merlin knew that nothing could prepare Arthur for what Merlin would say, what he would finally reveal.

_**If I told you**_

_**Oh what if I told you?**_

_**Oh I wonder what it would be like,**_

_**If I told you**_

The song came to an end with a ringing note that seemed foreboding to Merlin. The silence that echoed around the hall stretched on, no one wanting to break it, the knights and Arthur mostly because they didn't know what to say, and Merlin because he didn't know how to say it. Finally, Merlin clenched his teeth before relaxing them again and taking a deep breath. He looked up at the men around the table, his closest friends. "My whole life, I've been alone." He started, almost in a whisper. "Surrounded by people, but always alone." This caught everyone's attention as more confusion spilled onto their faces. Merlin wasn't alone, they all thought. He had them.

Merlin could not believe this was actually finally happening. Steeling his resolve, he plowed on, knowing that this was the right time, and he refused to lie any longer. "Ever since I was born, I've been different." He said slowly. "My mother constantly had to watch and worry that those differences would get me in trouble one day, maybe get me killed. I can't even imagine the stress that put on her." Merlin said almost to himself, shaking his head in disbelief at his mother's strength. "That's why I eventually came to Camelot you know," Merlin said looking up with a slight grin as he remembered his meeting with Arthur on his first day in the city, "because of my... differences." Merlin's grin slowly slipped off his face at the mention of his magic again, though Arthur didn't know that is what Merlin was speaking of yet.

Merlin's cryptic explanation only served to confuse the men even more, and irritate Arthur slightly, though the king was restraining himself from making a sarcastic comment or ordering Merlin to explain himself clearly. It was obvious to everyone that this was very difficult for Merlin to get out. After a few seconds of silence, Arthur's nervous curiosity finally grew too strong to hold back, and he cleared his throat before gently saying, "So.. what are these differences, Merlin?" Gwaine looked thankful that Arthur had asked, as it seemed that his curiosity was coming to the end of its leash as well. Percival, Leon and Elyan looked wary, but eager and leaned in slightly to hear the answer and finally understand what was causing Merlin such distress, what Merlin had been hiding for him to warrant such a song.

At Arthur's words, Merlin's grimace grew as his hands clutch the armrests once more and a shaky breath escaped his lips before a sad, and slightly incredulous smile came upon his face. "Haven't you ever noticed anything strange around me? Haven't you ever wondered at the amazing luck Camelot has had with every enemy that has come up against it in the last seven years?" The room was completely silent as Merlin's words registered in the men's minds. Now that Arthur thought about it, there were plenty of strange things that happened around Merlin. Was he implying that he had defeated all those enemies? The thought was preposterous, he didn't even know how to use a sword properly, though after all they've been through, the men were slowly coming to believe that anything was possible. Merlin now turned to speak to Arthur alone, "Haven't you ever been curious how it was that you had woken up so many times from an attack that everyone believed a lost cause, only to have the problem fixed, and me alone sitting by your side? Did you never doubt my explanations?" At these words, Merlin's eyes began to water slightly as he came closer to the truth, to the moment he would destroy all the trust and friendship between himself and these men. Arthur never had doubted his stories, he had trusted Merlin completely and all the warlock had done was lie, a million times over now, it seemed.

Arthur's eyes widened at Merlin's implications. Had he lied to Arthur all those times? It couldn't be. Arthur couldn't even count the number of times he had awoken with his head hurting, and an enthusiastic Merlin above him, sporting a ridiculous grin and telling him that everything was alright. What had actually happened in those instances when all his problems had been solved, with Arthur not having any memory of the events? The knights simply stared at the two men, the King and the servant, the most unlikely of friends, and yet here they were, like two sides of a coin. Was it all falling apart before their eyes?

Merlin quickly blinked his eyes dry, taking a deep breath. He had to be strong. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Merlin continued with his explanation, the words becoming harder and harder to choke out as he looked into Arthur's eyes once more, "Do you remember when I drank that poison for you?" Merlin's voice was just that above a whisper. Arthur looked startled and confused at Merlin bringing up an event from so long ago, but he nodded, not speaking, as he wanted Merlin to continue, wanted to finally understand. "And you went to look for the Mortius flower in the cave of the Forest of Balor, in order to save me?" Merlin continued. Arthur simply inclined his head, showing that he remembered. Dread entered Merlin's eyes as he said, "I've told you already, you don't know how many times I've saved your life. This was only one of those many times. You never believed me, though I was speaking the truth. I have lost count of how many times I have protected you Arthur." By now, the men around the table were extremely confused, what did this have to do with Merlin's differences? Of his childhood which he had been speaking of earlier? Arthur's eyes never once left Merlin, though the warlock had pulled his own eyes away from the piercing, inquisitive gaze of his master and best friend.

Merlin regained his composure and locked eyes with Arthur once more. "I also saved you in that cave." Merlin said, closing his eyes as he held his palm up for everyone to see, trying desperately to not let it shake. He pushed out the quiet, magic words he knew would change everything. Merlin felt a warmth settle in his hand as the blue, swirling light he had creating all those years ago to guide Arthur came into being once more, looking much like the lights which had brought forth their soul songs and started all of this. Merlin slowly opened his eyes to the frozen faces of his friends as they saw his eyes fade from a brilliant gold, back to their normal, deep blue hues.

"Remember?" Merlin said quietly, eyes locked on Arthur as the man stared back at the light floating in Merlin's hands before swiftly moving to his eyes. Yes Arthur remembered. He had never quite been able to understand where that light had come from. Clearly it was magical, but what sorcerer would want to help him, a Pendragon?

Suddenly, a look of realization came over Arthur, as if it had just registered in his mind what Merlin was showing him. Merlin was a sorcerer. Merlin used magic. Merin had lied. How long? Was Arthur fooled once again by one so close to him? Was he betrayed once more? The walls Arthur had carefully built around his heart after the betrayal of Morgana and Agravaine were being quickly chipped away before completely crumbling. It had happened again. Merlin was a sorcerer. Merlin! This betrayal hurt even worse than he could have imagined. Through everything, Arthur had believed that Merlin was his constant. Merlin was always there to cheer Arthur up or put him back in his place. Merlin was always there to give Arthur advice on everything and anything, always there to lift the stress, if only slightly, by making a joke or calling Arthur a ridiculous, self-invented name. No, no no! This couldn't be happening! Merlin couldn't have betrayed him! In his head, and in his heart, the thought of Merlin and betrayal were irreconcilable. The innocent servant that acted like a fool. The brave man Arthur had come to know. His best friend. Merlin was a sorcerer.

The pain on Merlin's face reflected Arthur's agony, and he quickly dissipated the glowing ball of light with a slight wave of his hand . Merlin could see the betrayed look in Arthur's eyes. It was over. He couldn't take back the truth, though Merlin wasn't sure he wanted to. Looking at Arthur, Merlin couldn't help but think, _Everything is over._

At the show of magic, everyone sitting around the table had frozen, eyes wide and mouths slightly open. Gwaine just stared at him. Merlin was the jovial man who had become his first permanent friend, and yet it seemed Gwaine had not known him at all. Why would Merlin practice magic in Camelot? Was he truly such a fool that he would risk his life this way? Gwaine turned to see Arthur's reaction, knowing how hurt the king would be, more so than any of them, though that didn't mean that Gwaine wasn't upset over Merlin's lies. _How had this happened?_ Gwaine thought, still in shock as he let out a slow, quiet breath, as still as all the other men, waiting for something to happen.

Elyan was surprised, to say the least, if not slightly panicked. Having grown up in Camelot, and being a very young boy when the Purge first began, he had always been taught that magic was pure evil. Normal people were corrupted by it, there had been much evidence to attest to that, Morgana being a perfect example. But Merlin was the most loyal man to Arthur that Elyan had ever met. Merlin had magic, but humbled himself to being a servant. Merlin had fought alongside the knights to regain Camelot, he had saved Arthur. Elyan's confusion only grew as he noticed more and more contradictions to the beliefs he had had since childhood. He decided to wait for Merlin's explanation, if Arthur didn't banish him before he got chance that is.

Percival, who had lived outside of Camelot's borders for much of his life wasn't as opposed to magic as the others. Although there were no sorcerers in his village, at a young age, Percival had witnessed magic when he had seen druids in the woods. Because he had lived close to Camelot, magic was discouraged and even taboo, though not technically illegal. Still, nobody, no matter in what kingdom, wanted Uther to catch word that they may be practicing magic. So why did Merlin practice magic directly in the city of Camelot, the heart of the kingdom that had so long detested his kind? Percival knew there had to be a good reason, Merlin would not so callously risk his life. But what was it? Who was Merlin really?

Leon's first reaction was a swift apprehension. It had been ingrained in him that magic was evil, not only by his father, but by the countless executions he had witnessed in Camelot. Uther was ruthless when it came to magic, would his son be the same? When Leon had first met Merlin, he had thought it strange that the servant would ride into battle with Arthur, always by his side. From the beginning, Merlin had been different, standing up to Arthur, even when he knew the prince's true identity. Every one of his instincts told him that Merlin was not only a sorcerer, but he had lied about it all this time, and therefore must be plotting something, must be evil. But if what Merlin spoke was the truth, then he had been protecting Arthur, not trying to harm him. Though Leon considered Merlin a friend, he waited to hear more, unable to trust Merlin just yet. The man himself had admitted that he had lied on many occasions, how did they know this was not a lie?

Tension hung heavily in the air. Merlin couldn't take the silence anymore, he needed Arthur to say something. "Arthur.." Merlin croaked out, begging the man to reply, to look Merlin in the eyes and say _something_. Anything was better than this awful suspense, of not know what Arthur was thinking, if he hated Merlin. The thought was unbearable.

As soon as Merlin had spoken, Arthur's eyes snapped up to the sorcerer's. Merlin flinched slightly. He could see the anger in Arthur's eyes, underneath it, a terrible hurt, and even below that, fear. Merlin didn't quite understand the fear at first. Was Arthur afraid of him? Did he think Merlin was going to try to attack him? But no, there was something more to this fear. Arthur was unsure, confused, like a child standing in the middle of a storm, with no shelter, no respite. It broke Merlin's heart to see this on his king's face, to see his best friend hurt so much and question everything he had ever done with Merlin. Every laugh the two of them shared, every secret told in confidentiality, and advice given in hopes of helping the other, Arthur was going over it all in his mind, wondering if it was ever real, or if his entire relationship with Merlin, their entire friendship was just an act.

"I am a fool aren't I?" Arthur whisper in a ragged voice, eyes closing as they started to water slightly. An uncontrollable laugh burst from the king's lips, but died just as quickly as he thought back on all the years he had spent with Merlin by his side, lying the entire time.

"No, Arthur!" Merlin exclaimed, looking shocked at the king's words and defeated expression. Merlin did not think Arthur a fool at all, despite what he said sometimes. He was about to continue when Arthur held up a hand to silence him, eyes finally opening, though barely meeting Merlin's own.

"Why?" Was all Arthur was able to get out, not wanting to speak aloud what Merlin had done, what Merlin truly was.

Merlin just looked at him in pain. "I never had a choice in this." He said in a soft voice. "I told you, I was born this way. I never asked for magic; it was always a part of me." Merlin's voice, which had slowly gotten stronger, trailed off at the end, thinking over how his entire life, he had been told that magic was evil, that sorcerers deserved to die. It was not an easy life to live.

Arthur's expression turned furious as he still didn't understand, "THEN WHY DID YOU COME TO CAMELOT?" He shouted before his face crumpled in pain again. "Why did you come?" He asked with desperation in his voice this time. If Merlin had never come to Camelot, if he had never met the infuriating, cheery young man, then Arthur wouldn't have to hurt like this. There would be no pain because there would never have been a Merlin to cause it. If he had never met Merlin, there would not be a large hole in his heart, first carved out by Morgana, then Agravaine, and now, after it had finally healed, Merlin of all people caused it reopen. The look on Merlin's face as Arthur shouted almost made Arthur take back his words, but no, he was right in saying them, this was Merlin's fault. Why had the man never told him? In the seven years that they've known each other, did Merlin still not trust Arthur? Surely he didn't think that Arthur would execute him. Arthur shuddered at the thought, was their friendship truly one-sided?

There were a few moments of silence before Merlin spoke once more. "I am very powerful." He began. To ones who didn't know him, the words would seem arrogant, as if he was bragging, but all the men around the table noticed the note of resignation in Merlin's voice, as if he didn't truly want the power, as if it was a burden. "I have never heard of others like myself, one's who have been able to use magic since their birth. My mother sent me to Camelot so I could learn to control my powers, they were becoming too noticeable in such a small village, and she believed that Gaius could help me with that." Merlin paused for a few seconds as the men once again seemed shocked. A brief look of betrayal flashed across Arthur's face again and he clutched the armrests of his chair in anger before realizing that of course Gaius knew of Merlin's magic, they lived with each other after all. As the others didn't say anything, Merlin continued, "But even though I've learned to control my magic, I would never leave Camelot. It is my home now, I have found a purpose for the magic I was given." Merlin stated firmly, staring Arthur right in the eye, making it clear to all what Merlin believed his purpose was. Arthur was shocked at the conviction in Merlin's eyes, and in that moment, he knew that Merlin would do anything to protect his king, to protect Arthur. But the question of why still remained. Arthur had to know. Despite the lies, despite the betrayal and hurt, Arthur had to know how he had earned such devotion from a sorcerer, when all others seemed to want him dead. Above all else, Arthur simply wanted to know who his best friend truly was.

"Please let me explain." Merlin said quietly, begging with his eyes for Arthur to at least let him try to fix this, try to show Arthur that their friendship wasn't a lie, show him that it meant more to Merlin than anything else. Merlin was desperate, if Arthur decided to banish Merlin, if the king never forgave him, it would all be over, his destiny, his hopes, his entire life would be destroyed. Merlin waited in agonizing silence before Arthur finally nodded his head slowly. Finally, finally, Merlin would be able to tell his story.

**AN: So what did you think? Was it realistic? OOC? This is the first reveal I've ever written so I'm not exactly sure if I did it right. This is not the end of the story though! Thank you so much to everyone who suggested a song, they were all amazing, and I listened to each and every one of them! Tell me what you thought?**

**~Oreny19**


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